Creating an Environment for Personal Growth by Tending the Garden

President's Message By
Frank L. VanderSloot
President & CEO

May 2005

I have often stated that the most rewarding aspect of Melaleuca for me is to witness the personal growth of the people involved with the company. That includes both our Marketing Executives as well as our employees. Without question, this would include my own personal growth as well.

As I have observed the process of people changing over time, I have drawn some conclusions that I will try to share with you in this article. These concepts have more to do with life than with business, but I thought it might be appropriate to talk about them here.

It has been my observation that a person’s environment often has a great deal to do with his/her rate of personal growth. By personal growth I mean making progress in areas like peace of mind, leadership, understanding one another, loving others, patience, humility, etc. One could say that personal growth means personal development in the areas that Benjamin Franklin described as “the 13 virtues.” My conclusion that environment can often affect the rate of one’s personal growth comes primarily from observing my own personal progress or lack of it during various periods of my life.

It is my observation that when there has been turmoil in my life, I made little progress in areas of Franklin’s list of virtues and during periods when there was peace in my life and in my home and when there was someone that was nurturing me, I grew the most in these areas.

The same seems to be true for others. In a sense, it appears that personal growth is greatest when someone loves us and nurtures us. In his best-selling book “A Road Less Traveled,” M. Scott Peck defines love as “the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one’s own and others’ spiritual growth.” I know that is a far cry from what most teenagers (and some adults) today think love is. But it is similar to what I believe is the key to providing an environment conducive to personal growth. (Peck calls it “spiritual growth”). The key concept here is “to nurture.” To me, to nurture someone means to love, have faith in, be kind to, endorse, support, sustain, and lift up. The opposite of nurturing is to be harsh, critical, judgmental, to devalue, scold, condemn, or be just plain not interested in someone.

If Scott Peck’s definition of love is correct, and I think it is, we nurture those we truly love. The magic is that those we nurture are more apt to experience personal growth, which is exactly what we want for them if we truly love them.

As I look back on my life, I can think of a dozen or so individuals who have taken an interest in me and nurtured me along the way. It is interesting to note that with one exception they have all been men. The most impactful was my father. Although, except for working together on the farm on weekends, my father and I spent very little time together. But even then, he had ways of communicating to me that he loved and respected me. Even when I was a little boy he treated me like I was important to him. This allowed me to grow and develop in healthy ways.

Over the years I have observed a lot of nurturing going on at Melaleuca. Members of the management team are constantly providing nurturing and up-building experiences to each other and to their associates. I am often a recipient of these nurturing experiences. I also witness a lot of nurturing going on between Marketing Executives and I have watched people grow because of it. My conclusion is that nurturing is a very powerful concept.

Without question, I have grown the most over the last 10 years during my marriage to Belinda. She is awesome at nurturing—not only me but also our children and our friends. Above all, she brings peace and tranquility to our home. When I am with her I have the sense of being valued and endorsed, and the sense that my feelings, my goals, and even my ideas are important to her. Let there be no mistake. She is a very bright and strong woman. She has her own feelings, her own goals and her own ideas. She does not substitute mine for hers. It is just that mine are important to her also.

But most impactful on me is the peaceful and serene feeling she brings to our home. By that I mean she does not make mountains out of mole hills, or fly off the handle—ever! Nor does she have pity parties or play games or try to manipulate me or others. We have experienced tragedy and sadness and horrible disappointment together. But even through her own sorrow and heartache she is aware of the sadness and heartache of others and spends her energy on them rather than on herself.

Let me illustrate: I have never totally forgotten her birthday or anniversary, but even if I ever did, I know what would happen. I’m sure it would hurt her if I forgot her birthday, but rather than have a pity party or throw a tantrum or use the situation to beat me up or punish me, she would be more concerned about my feelings and be worried about how badly I would surely feel and be concerned that I not beat myself up about it. She would put my feelings before her own.

What this kind of nurturing does for me is that I find myself experiencing personal growth. I find I am much more patient now than I was 10 years ago. (And patience has never been my strong suit). I find myself being more kind, more tolerant, less judgmental, less harsh, more loving, and more understanding of others. This is partly because of her example and also because I am in a “garden” where I can grow.

It is encouraging to me that I can change. Change is always slow. Even after we decide to change (which is a big step in itself), we often find ourselves falling back into the rut of old habits. But slowly, over time, if given a healthy, peaceful, and well-tended garden to grow in, we can indeed grow and eventually blossom. Sometimes this growth is so slow it is hard to detect but when we can see it happening in ourselves, it is very fulfilling.

Now, why am I telling you all this? Because we would all like to see those we love experience personal growth. Nothing is more fulfilling. According to Scott Peck, that is what love is all about. It is my experience that badgering someone, or criticizing them, or hounding them to change is not very productive, but nurturing them by creating a garden of peace, endorsement, encouragement, and faith in themselves has great power. Change takes time; often years. We need to be prepared to provide years of nurturing before we expect much.

In my case being nurtured has given me the desire to learn how to nurture others, and has taught me how to do it. I’m not really good at it yet, but I’m learning. It probably would not work for you to give this article to your spouse and suggest he/she began to nurture you. That certainly would not be my intent! But you might ask yourself if you are providing the kind of garden for your spouse to grow in. Consider how you might make improvements in how you tend the garden your loved ones find themselves in. Nurture them and watch them grow!

But be patient. It may take years of consistent nurturing before you get the desired results. In fact, you can’t do it just to get results. You must do it just because you love them. But if you nurture them consistently, it is my experience that they will tend to blossom over time.

Life has been good to me. But of all my blessings, the greatest blessing has been a great garden to grow in.

Sincerely,

Frank L.VanderSloot

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